If you’re a regular reader, you may have noticed that I have been quiet over the last couple of months.
I haven’t got any drama or excuse to tell you, but I have a confession to make…
When I started blogging, I always said that I would be open and honest. You know, tell it as it is.
Show the reality and not hide anything.
But I have to admit, I have an issue. I have a fear of putting myself ‘out there.’
If I am honest, it’s quite a big problem, when you think that blogging is all about using your voice and getting yourself out there.
I know I have to, I know that by using my voice, my experiences and my knowledge that I can help others. Which is the reason I started my blog. in the first place.
I just can’t seem to get over this one hurdle…my fear of putting myself out there.
Now, I know that if you know me personally, you will find this hard to believe! I am a happy, go-lucky, confident, chatty, bubbly woman. But inside I am anxious as hell at how people see me and what they think of me.
Stupid I know!
Everyone tells me ‘to not give a f*@k what people think’, but this is really hard for me!
You see, all through my life, I have been a people pleaser, wanted to fit in, to be liked.
But as a result of the emotional abuse I experienced as a child and throughout my life, I have this massive fear of judgement. I fear that I am not good enough, that I don’t reach expectations of others. (i’m sure I will talk about this at a later date)
You see, I’ve always been that person that will put themselves out for others. I always put others first. Always finding a solution to help someone else.
I have found that people take advantage of this ‘kind’ nature of mine. That I am treated like a doormat.
Walked all over and cover in dirt.
Yer, alright, putting it bluntly, I’m treated like shit!
But, I have finally come to the point where I am fed up of being treated this way and fearing other peoples opinions and wether they like me or not! I am ready to face my demons.
But, no need to worry, my ‘nice’ nature, isn’t going anywhere. It’s engrained in me.
I’ve come to realise that I need to set healthy boundaries, find and believe in my self worth and stop fearing putting myself out there.
I mean other people do it, right? So why should I struggle to do it?
Even as I write this I am doubting myself….but i’m continuing to write!
So, *takes a deep breath* I’m writing this post, as my first step to free myself from the fear of putting myself out there.
By doing this I feel vulnerable to ‘the haters’ but as part of this process, I have to do this. I have to realise that someone else’s opinion of me doesn’t determine who I am!
So this is me putting myself out there.
I have a story to tell and I think it’s about time it was told because I know that it will help others.
I want to inspire and encourage other Mum’s and women to overcome their fears.
So now that this is out there, I am now being held accountable so I need to continue!
Have you ever had any hurdles in life that you have overcome? I’d love to hear your story!
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