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How As Parents We Impact Our Childs Inner Voice

man standing beside his wife teaching their child how to ride bicycle

Every single one of us has an inner voice. You know that voice in our head that acts like our inner cheerleader or the inner critic.

The voice, that when things get tough either has our back and fills you with courage. Telling us things like ‘you know you can do this’. Or on the other hand, there’s a more critical voice that pulls you to shreds and makes doubt set in. Which might sound like ‘don’t be so silly, you can’t do that’.

Which inner voice would you rather experience?

The Inner Cheerleader Or The Inner Critic?

Personally, I would much rather hear that inner cheerleader.

But, we know that isn’t always the case.

Our inner voices are based on our past experiences. I can bet that inner critic of yours can be traced back to a comment someone has said to you that gave you a negative feeling of self-doubt. Something like ‘you’re not good enough’ or ‘you’re not clever enough to get the grades’ or ‘you’re too fat to wear that’.

Plus, I can bet that you remember the negative comments a lot more than the positive comments! True?

The same goes for our children. What type of inner voice do you want your child to have? The cheerleader that gives them a boost of self-esteem or the inner critic which stops them from giving things a go.

Personally, I want my child’s inner cheerleader to be their inner voice with the loudest volume and impact.

Now, as a parent, we have a massive impact on our own children’s inner voice!

The way in which we talk to our children and make them feel, affects their inner voice, massively. Not just in their childhood, but into their adult life too.

Here’s a fun fact.

Did you know that it takes 20 positive comments to override one negative comment?!

As a parent, we want to empower our children, to grow into confident and resilient adults. The only way that is going to happen is if we give them the skills and are mindful about the way we speak them.

Positivity is the way forward.

As parents, we all know how easy it is to go off the handle, raising our voice, lose our temper. Maybe your child hasn’t been mindful about their environment, something gets broken or they spill a drink.

We all know how easy it is to reply with ‘oh come on, I told you not to do that, if you had just listened to me!’

We are all guilty of it, well I know I certainly am. Things get said in the moment, out of anger or fear. Unfortunately, words can’t be taken back and in some cases can cause more harm than good. Never blame a child, especially for a situation where an adult should have responsibility.

Firstly, I’ve found that you need to take a step back and really think about if the situation really matters. Are the consequences of the action or event going to be life-changing? No? Then try to empathetic. Explain to your child that you love them. That as much as the action/event upset you, you are here for them. That you can work together to find a solution for it not to happen again or put it right.

As parents, we have the ability and power to positively influence how our children perceive the world. To instil their belief systems from a young age. Establishing a supportive belief system showing them a positive attitude to life. By showing this ourselves, we can help our children to develop good values and positive beliefs, which enables them to develop confidence and self-esteem.


Here are some examples to positively impact your child’s inner voice

When a child is angry
Instead of:  How dare you talk like that to me?
Try:  I can tell how angry you are. I am here to listen when you’re ready to talk. 

When a child is not listening
Instead of:  I am only going to say this one more time, and then…
Try:  (Walking over to the child, use their name) I need you to get your shoes on now.  We are leaving in 5 minutes.

When a child is crying
Instead of:  Shut up! Stop crying!
Try:  You are having big feelings.  I am here for you. (Hug or hold the child depending on age.) 

When a child is loud
Instead of:  Stop being so loud in the house! You’re giving me a headache!
Try: Use your inside voice, please.  That volume is for the outdoors. 

When a child spills something
Instead of:  Could you be more careful?  Look at what you’ve done! Look at this mess.
Try:  Oh dear, The milk is spilt. Accidents happen. Let me get you something to clean it up with. 

If you’re not used to this yourself then you might find it challenging at first. But take your time and give it a go. You can do it.

Can You Think Of Other Ways To Positively Impact Your Childs Inner Voice?

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