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Story Of A Young Mum 16 Years On

young mum

I’m Claire and I’m a mum to 5 boys. I’m now 33 years old, Married, Mummy to 5 sons and have my own childminding business. I want to share my story of being a young mum.

By the time i was 25, I had 3 children! I was a young mum. But looking back I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’m not going to lie, my experience of being a young mum was tough, very tough. So tough in fact I contemplated ending my own life.

I fell pregnant with my eldest son at 17 and had him when I was 18. I fell pregnant with my 2nd son at 20 and had him 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. I fell pregnant with my 3rd son when I was 24 and had him a month after my 25th birthday. You can read about my first pregnancy here in my blog Do You Ever Wonder?

All 3 are to different ‘dads’. Not what I had planned for myself.

My first and second sons dad’s left me to be a single mum. My first sons dad left when our son was 6 weeks old. He said he couldn’t handle it. With my second sons dad there was issues of domestic violence. We split up when I was 6 months pregnant.
My third sons dad is now my husband.

Pregnant at 17

pregnant at 17 young mum

When I had my first son I lived with my parents. I didn’t work and I was on Income Support. I thought I was so grown up and knew everything. I was a Mum after all. I look back now and realise how wrong I was. I hated my parents telling me what to do regarding my son so I moved out. I got myself a two up two down terraced house. It had damp and it wasn’t in the nicest of areas. I had nothing. My Mum helped me out by buying me the basics and letting me take my bed from their house. It was just me and my first son.

I was living off a very tight budget. I now had bills to pay, food to buy. I was penniless. Every penny I had went on my son.

Second time round

second time round young mum

I met my second sons dad and our relationship moved fast. I fell pregnant by accident within 3 months of meeting him. We moved in together. Things were great until I found out he had another girl pregnant too. 3 months ahead of me. He became controlling. Locked me in the house, took my mobile off me, stayed out all night, name calling etc. It was hell. He would go out drinking and spend any money we did have. I lost touch with my parents and he limited my contact with friends.

One night he didn’t come home after being out. I was furious. He had been with the other girl. When he came home I ended up screaming at him. He had me locked in the house, with no phone or landline. He ended up punching me and pushed me over. I landed on my stomach. I was in agony. I was scared that I was losing my baby. I got kept in hospital for a week as my baby wasn’t moving and I kept getting cramps. My parents came to visit me in hospital. They took my house key and they went and took my belongings out of the house. Me and my first son were going back ‘home’.

Funnily enough, I never saw my second sons dad again until he was 3 years old and he was in prison.

Life Carried On…

my second son was born with my Mum and best friend at the time by my side. I was a single mum from day 1 of my second son being born. We went to stay at my parents house. My parents were more than supportive. Helped me with night feeds, they would babysit for me so I could have some ‘Me time’. I still wasn’t working. By the time my second son was 6 months old I knew I couldn’t be a stay at home mum on benefits anymore. I needed a purpose, I needed to do something with my life. I applied for a job in a well known High Street Bank. I was called to the interview and I got the job! Things were really looking up. My boys were thriving, I had some money behind me, I’d learnt to drive and now I had a job. I decided the time was right for me to find my own house again. This time with 4 more years life and Mummy experience I moved into my own home.

Just me and my boys

Just me and my boys young mum

I didn’t have a huge support network, I had my Parents and a couple of friends. Most of my friends had ‘dropped’ me after having my first son as I wasn’t able to go out with them or do what they wanted me to do. The friends I did have were other young mums.

My Mum had been poorly all my life and my Dad worked full time. I had to get the help from a childminder to take care of my boys. I must say that she was a God send. Knowing that my boys were well looked after in a home from home family environment while I went out to work, eased the stress a little.

Being alone all the time with my boys or working, having a restricted life, depression set in. I was juggling my boys and their demands of wanting and needing their Mummy, work, money and bills. I found myself on a downward spiral. No one took me seriously. I contemplated ending my life. I took myself to the doctors and they gave me a sick note and an appointment was made with my boys Health Visitor. She was amazing. She would come out and see me and my boys on a weekly basis. We would have a cuppa and chat.

It Has been 16 years now…

since I was pregnant with my first son. I remember I always felt judged as a Young Mum. I always remember being told by someone when I was pregnant with first son that I had ruined my life. That I was a failure. That comment always stayed at the back of my mind. I desperately wanted to prove them wrong. To deal with the judgments, I would turn a blind eye, get defensive. I was doing what I could with what I had, which was not a lot.

I do admit…

that life has been harder with me being a Young Mum. I have always had to put my children needs and well being first. I have had to put my dreams on hold. I wasn’t able to finish college or go to university when I wanted to. I didn’t get to go on girly holidays or the other things young girls experience. I found I lost touch of myself and who I was. I was always in Mummy mode.

Being a Young Mum is not all doom and gloom.

The good times always out weigh the bad times. Looking back I see the advantages of being a young mum. I am close to my sons, we have each others back. Being a young mum has given me life experiences, not all of them nice experiences and they’ve made me into the person I am today. I’m independent, learnt not to rely on anyone, learnt to appreciate what I have and to celebrate every achievement, no matter how small. When my eldest is an adult himself at 18, I will be the grand age of 36. I still have my life ahead of me.

Like I said at the start, now i’m in my 30’s and I have found myself a husband, have 5 children and have my own business.

Wedding Day young mum

Young mums need support

I personally think young mums need support regardless of their circumstances. I didn’t find that there were many support services in my area aimed at young mums between 7 and 15 years ago when I was a young mum myself. At the time of having my eldest, the Sure Start services were just starting out. We would meet at a local soft play and chat with a Health Visitor. That was it. Going to playgroups or mother and toddler groups, I found ‘older mums’ would look down on me. Being a Young Mum should be celebrated and not judged.

The stigmas need to be taken away. The saying ‘Don’t assume, Ask’ comes to mind. No one knows anyones personal circumstances. No one has a place to judge. I do think that there needs to be more services in place for young mums. These services need to be based around emotional support, life skills and parenting skill. The approach needs to be none judgmental and more nurturing and guiding. Looking at the whole picture of mum and child. From what I understand the Sure Start services are being withdrawn and health visitors are far and few between. Support for mums and families are decreasing.

My 5 boys young mum

My advice

If I was approached my a Young Mum asking me for advice I would say ‘Believe in yourself. Things might get tough at times but it will be worth it and you will learn from it. You can and will do what is best for you and your child. Make sure you take care of yourself as your child needs you to be fit and well. Keep your dreams insight, it might take a little bit longer for you to achieve them but you can still follow them. Anything is possible if you want it enough’

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Story Of A Young Mum 16 Years On

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  1. April 11, 2018 / 5:42 pm

    Yes~ Believe in yourself! You are an incredible mom and you have provided great things for your kids! What a fantastic story you can look back on and say “Look at how far I’ve Come” #WanderingWednesday

    • Claire84
      April 11, 2018 / 5:51 pm

      Thank you very much. xx

  2. April 11, 2018 / 6:39 pm

    Wow, you’ve been through a lot, you should be so proud for what you’ve achieved. A long time ago I used to work at a sure start centre and think it’s so sad they’re being closed #itsok

  3. Kim - The Blog Genie
    April 11, 2018 / 7:10 pm

    You’ve come so far over these last few years. Glad to see you back blogging again #BloggerClubUK

  4. April 12, 2018 / 9:31 am

    Wow! What a phenomenal journey you’ve been on! I’m so glad things are good for you these days, and well done for doing such an amazing job with it all! #triumphanttales xx

  5. April 12, 2018 / 8:35 pm

    This is such an inspiring story, how far you have come and through sheer work and dedication. Your kids are so lucky to have you as an example! #DreamTeam

  6. April 14, 2018 / 2:22 pm

    Wow Claire, I had no idea. You have really been through so much and look at you today – amazing! Such an inspiring story for all women and mums (young or otherwise). Thank you for sharing this with us at #itsok love.

  7. April 15, 2018 / 4:57 pm

    This is such a great post. Like you I had 3 kids in my early 20s , in an abusive relationship and people couldn’t wait to tell me my life was over . It was incredibly tough but now years on ,away from that relationship and the kids being teens I can only see achievements I made rather than life ruining moments. #itsok
    Daydreams of a mum recently posted…10 things that drive me (probably irrationally)nuts …My Profile

  8. April 15, 2018 / 6:58 pm

    This is really inspiring Claire! You have done amazingly and should be really proud of yourself! Thanks for joining us at #TriumphantTales, hope you’ll come back again on Tuesday!

  9. April 16, 2018 / 6:20 am

    I love this post so honest and open. I truly believe age is irrelevant you either are a good mum or you are not and people should stop bringing age into it.

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